It's peacefully quiet... Mackenzie and I should be getting ready for church at nine... however my sweet girl is still sleeping, and I hate to wake her. She had a huge day yesterday... So we will wait and go to Sunday School at 10am... or maybe not... I'm just laying here listening to her breathing beside me. Mom and my sister breathing in another room, and my husband and father snoring in the living room... We stayed with my mom and dad last night... I feel refreshed this morning... well a little sore and achy... My sister's bed isn't all that comfortable... (Sorry Allison!) and I didn't sleep much... but I still feel refreshed... and while I laid here this morning and fretted about waking her and going to church... I prayed about it and realized that while I love taking my sweet girl to church and I love being in the Lord's house, but when she will sleep in, I need to let her sleep... I can pray and read the bible on my own, which I am horrible at reading the bible but I am honestly trying to get better at doing...
This refreshed feeling is very welcoming... The past week has been a struggle... We had a beautiful day last Saturday and then rain on Sunday, but still not bad... Then it got cold again and it was cold and Snow again on Thursday evening... It all melted on Friday, Thankfully... However, the dark and gloom has been rough on my thought process... on top of being stuck in the house on Spring Break for the kiddos...Mackenzie is turning into a beautiful, happy soul... UNTIL... she doesn't get her way, or is extremely sleepy... Then it's game on... and I can not begin to tell you how many melt downs we have had this week... She is becoming a climber... She tries to climb into the play pen... out of the play pen... on top of toys... up shelves... and anything she deems necessary to climb... So all day it has been constant redirection... By 7pm, I am exhausted... mentally and physically... I know when Daniel gets home he is exhausted too... but I just want a break... but on top of all her mischievous quests during the day... She is once again teething hard core... (we still have NO teeth at 11 1/2 months!) I think the two on the bottom in the front are peeking through... However, I'm not getting my hopes up! LOL... So she doesn't want to go to sleep at night... One because she wants to climb on everything... and two because her mouth is hurting... Now I know that you are thinking I should give her something... well teething tablets no longer seem to help... Orajel works for a short period... We give her popsicles and frozen bananas... but she won't chew on frozen washcloths or teething rings anymore... So while I do try to provide as much relief as possible... I'm sure she is still in some small amount of pain... I give her a dose of Tylenol at night to help with the pain and it seems to help... So while we have the same bedtime routine... It has been taking me anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours to get her to go to bed... By which time, I am thoroughly exhausted... She is still the most terrible sleeper... So we are up a couple of times a night, and then we are back up at 7a-7:30a to do it all over again... Not mention.. She has decided that just walking is no longer sufficient for her... so she wants to run and now has two large scratches on her face from falling... :(
I know I sound like I'm complaining... but I'm not expressing how rough this past week was... A lot of blogs and things you read are all flowery and about how wonderful everything is... Don't get me wrong... My daughter is my heart and soul.. My reason for breathing... She makes me want to be a better person because I know she is watching and learning... But sometimes... a Mom needs a break... and I was completely feeling this way all week... I NEEDED A BREAK! I am Mackenzie's caregiver 24/7... which is what I wanted... and I love doing... but this week has been very trying... It made me realize again that while I love my daughter and doing things with her... Sometimes I need a moment to be just myself and not have to chase a little one... I used to wonder how parents could just leave their child with a babysitter and go out... Now I know why... So yesterday, my mother came and got Mackenzie around 11:00am... and kept her until around 3:00pm... and it was so peaceful... Allison helped me complete the decorations for her party... I then was able to shower... alone.. and without rushing because she was screaming for me and wanted nothing to do with Daddy despite him trying everything... Afterwards, we went to the store... then returned home and walked to the Park and she went down the slide, and swung... but really liked playing with pine cones more... and Mackenzie was happy to see me, but I was able to be the more relaxed mother for her...
Every night this week, I prayed for God to help me through the gloom that had settled in and to help give me the patience, I needed... There was an author... and she was discussing her book called, "Carry On Warrior" and she said to mother's out there... Other people are telling you to enjoy every moment... and honestly when the kids are melting down... it's hard... but instead try for at least a few great moments everyday and you will not feel as stressed out, because it's impossible to enjoy every moment... and I found her words comforting and understanding how I felt... It took my guilt away because I knew I needed a slight break... and that's okay...
So this starts a new week... and I feel back in control... the glum is gone... and I want to continue to be a better mother... and I feel that I can now that I understand everyone struggles... and it's not a job that you can do perfectly all the time...
April has been crazy busy... After April 1st, each morning I would get up and think about the countdown of Mackenzie turning one... It has came and pasted... and I'm in awe... I surprised myself and did not cry on the morning of th 17th... by the time I woke up at 7:20am... Her birth time had pasted... She came at 7:12am :) She smiled at me... Of course she doesn't understand at this age what her birthday means... but I do... and I was excited for her... The day of her birthday Allison cooked her dinner and I made her a cake and she opened a few presents...
But Saturday the 20th was her party... Looking back now I want to cry because I can see how loved and blessed this little girl is... I know how much she means to me and Daniel and how she brightens our day but to be in a room surrounded by family and friends who love her just as much... is such a blessing... The party was a success and she was a ham!! She is so outgoing... Her personality is blossoming into something pretty spectacular! Most days I am in awe of her! It was so wonderful to have family with us who hadn't seen in four years... They finally got to meet our wonderful little girl and fell just as in love with her as we are... It was amazing to see four generations of a family in the same room and everyone was there... It was such a blessing! While I know she can't remember it... I will make sure she has plenty of pictures to look back on and know how blessed and loved she is!
So now that the excitement is over... we have much in the next two months to embark on... Allison's graduation... and family vacation... I am so excited for her... Not mention we are entering the world of the toddler stage... I can't wait to see her learn to talk more... get more teeth... and just continue to grow into such a wonderful young lady... I know that it will not always be easy... She is stubborn and has a bit of temper... but it's okay... because we push through... I feel like I am writing a eulogy... and in a way, I suppose I am... While she is still little and needs her parents... She is no longer a baby... She is a small child... and it's hard to realize that... She doesn't need me to feed her anymore (even though there is a big mess when she is done!) She doesn't need me to help her with so many things anymore... She is fastly gaining independence from us... For me, it's bittersweet and exciting... 
